Moving forward....

I havent wrote in a while, was still processing it all and busy moving forward. Transfer is set for Saturday and I couldn't be more excited!!! I'm not so much nervous about the transfer and it taking. I'm confident that that will work, I just am worried about a repeat from last time. I don't know if my IPs can handle that again :(


I've been on Lupron and estrace for a few weeks now and just started all the big meds today. I'm super excited to say that I did my first PIO injection all by myself!!!!  Me, the one who passes out getting blood taken, has given myself a 1.5 inch needle! I much rather do the PIO than take the doxycycline aka the devil. 


Casidee is excited for the next transfer and she requests 2 girls to be transferred, told her we cant pick! She said that J & B need 2 girls like her and Emilee. She is such a sweet heart and prays for J & B every so often at night before bed. 


Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling and my eyes fill up and the tears come out. I dont know why exactly. My heart starts beating and I'm full of tears. I think that the whole process is overwhelming, the medication kicks my butt and the fear of another loss is front and center. I know this is ALL in God's hands and he will do what needs to be done, I have to keep leaning on that to keep me grounded when the fear creeps up. 


My best friend Rini will be taking me Saturday and I'm looking forward to spending time with her and having her be a part of something that means so much to me, Brian is going to stay with the girls. Thank God for my mom who was gone with me to the D&E and will be staying with me and the girls saturday since Brian has a big race (so bummed I'm missing it!). Grateful for Casidee's best friends mom, Jill, who has watched the girls so I could drive an hour to Cooper for my appointment. I am so blessed and so lucky to have the support that I have. We have SO many people rooting for us and praying every day that J & B's dreams come true. 


I've been watching "The Little People" on TLC (I think) and watching their surrogacy journey. They had an early loss and their last transfer didn't work :( It's very humbling to see the IPs side of the journey; their thoughts, feelings, heartache. I was watching today and had to turn it off because that overwhelming feeling snuck up on me. I will NEVER fully know my IPs feelings but I hope they know how much they mean to me and that I'm their biggest cheerleader in our journey. That when they hurt, I hurt. I have grown to love these 2 people who were once "strangers" to me and I cant imagine not having them in my life. Whatever happens in our journey, I want to look back and know that this is exactly what I was meant to do and that J & B were meant to be a part of my life forever.


Wish us luck and prayers please!

Its been a week....

And it still stinks :( Physically I feel great, no cramping or bleeding which was surprising from what I've read to prepare. Im extremely eager to get started again and would love for a March transfer but my IPs need time which is very important for their healing.  They are also awaiting the genetic testing results from the angel baby.  Please keep the prayers for my IPs healing and for a future transfer.  

Bad news

Our appt yesterday showed baby stopped growing and didnt have a heart beat. Im going in for a D & E this afternoon and am a bit nervous. My heart hurts so badly for my IPs :( I dont know how I feel really, ofcourse im upset, devastated and mad that this happened but i dont think im able to process it all yet. Please keep my IPs in your thoughts and prayers for their healing and heartache.

7 weeks!

7 weeks already! I feel great beside the all day sickness but in a way I appreciate the constant reminder that the little bean in there is doing good :)

Here's a picture from our scan at 6 weeks 6 days.

And a belly shot just because I liked having progression pictures of my pregnancies. It's mostly bloat since baby is just the size of a blueberry and I however am bigger than that!

We have an appt this monday for another ultrasound and blood work.

Its ONE!

Introducing J & B's baby!!!! EVerything is great and measuring as it should, my body is doing what it needs, all is well. 

BETA #s

So far our numbers have been:


83
175
623
1864


Moving right along!! Ultrasound and more blood work friday afternoon, cant wait to see whats cooking in there :) 

WERE PREGNANT!!!

First BETA was drawn at 12dp3dt and was 83, today at 14dp3dt its 175! J & B are going to be parents, finally!!!! We're having dinner together tomorrow night and I cant wait to give them a big hug. Thanks everyone for your continued prayers and support, you may never know how much it means to us all.

Wanted to share some pictures and update

Here are some photos from transfer day!

Me and IM

Goofing off

She knocked me up (hopefully)!

My husband, IPs and Me

Babies first picture

Man this past week has been SO stressful! Ive never worried so much about trying to conceive, this is a whole new ball game. Ive never wanted something for someone else SO BAD in my life!!!!! Our first BETA is 1/4 and I hope it gets here quickly. Im very optimistic and am keeping the "I'm pregnant until told otherwise" attitude. My tush is getting pretty sore from the shots, feels like something punched me so hard right in the butt cheek. Those shots are NO joke! My 4 year old keeps touching my belly and saying "hi J's babies!" She is too much. I showed her the picture of the embryos and she's just fascinated by it all. 


Hoping and praying to share some good news Wednesday, please keep the prayers and good thoughts coming our way!

Its T time!

Todays the day!  I woke up to MANY facebook comments showing love and support for all of us and it was very touching. Im pretty emotional this morning not afraid or anything just excited and touched by the amount of support we have. I want this to work so badly for J & B and Im so optimistic and positive at this point. Thank you everyone for your prayers and love. 

tomorrow, tomorrow i love ya tomorrow

We should be getting a call from the clinic at some point today to let us know what time to be there tomorrow. I thought I'd be nervous by this point but I'm really now at all. Im more nervous about that damn PIO shot and was shaking like a leaf when Brian did it last night. So far I cant complain too much about my tush, it hurts but nothing horrible like I was expecting. Than again its only been 2 injections! 


Please send prayers and thoughts our way for tomorrow. Im praying but the more the better. I want this so BAD for J & B, they deserve a baby. 

Im alive!

First PIO has been completed and I didnt pass out or die haha. So grateful J drove over an hour to come here and give it to me. Its a good thing she did because the nurse marked me way too high. When starting out my journey as a surrogate I didnt really know 100% what I wanted in IPs and said I didnt mind them being across country but now, Im 100% CERTAIN I want IPs so close! Its the best having J & B there whenever I need them and having them be able to be a part of everything. 


I must say, it feels like J punched me in the butt now haha

Last monitoring visit today

The fertility clinic just called and said my blood and ultrasound are where it should be and were all set for friday!! I was very nervous that my lining wouldnt be thick enough or something, what a relief!! Im so excited to see J tomorrow, shes coming to give me my first progesterone injection, shes the best!!!  

ding ding ding, round 2

So were on round 2 of meds! I am SO thankful my last monitoring appt was good so that we could start up again. Transfer is 2 weeks and 1 day away, it will be here before we know it. 


I took a peek at the PIO needle, HOLY COW that thing is enormous! Im a bit nervous for it but ofcourse Ill manage and be fine. I feel selfish complaining about it though. 


My birthday is Sunday and Im really looking forward to spending some time with J & B and excited for my family to meet these 2 awesome people! 

New transfer date

Transfer scheduled for 12/23 just in time for the holiday! What better Christmas gift for me than saying "sorry I must rest everyone come to us this year!" "ill be on the couch if you need me". 


I still feel awful that I messed up but SO thankful that we can still do this in 3 weeks.

I messed up :(

I took the wrong meds and now transfer is cancelled. The only good news is that it will only be delayed 2 weeks, thank God. I cant believe I did that. I feel so bad. If it was for my own baby it wouldnt have bothered me so much but its not for me, and I feel like I let my IPs down. I know I didnt because they are truly amazing people but I just feel that way. So after Christmas should be the new transfer date, Ill have a schedule soon.

10 more days until transfer

This has been my life the past 2 weeks. Estrogen, estrogen and some more estrogen! Im SO glad I havent had to do any shots yet. They come next monday! I have an appt monday to check my lining and blood work and than transfer is NEXT friday ALREADY! Seemed like we just got matched.

Im feeling a bit anxious. Im so very excited and cant wait, Im just nervous I guess of the unknown. Hopefully that is a normal feeling! Everyone around me is supportive and sends best wishes and luck to J & B. Im very lucky and very grateful for the amazing family and friends that I have.  

Count down is on...

Just 3 more weeks :)  


Heres a few pics from our trip to Disney, the girls had a blast!

vacation time

We leave for Disney friday, cant wait! Our daughters don't know yet, we will tell them at the airport. My IPs are also going to be away the same time as us. I stop BCP 11/17, have an appt for blood and ultrasound 11/22 and start estrogen :) Than 3 short weeks later we will be transferring 2, 5 day embryos. This must all be surreal for J and B because sometimes Im thinking "pinch me?!" Contracts will be signed before Friday and everything is moving right along perfectly. I totally adore J & B and am so happy to be their carrier.

It all begins now

I started birth control today which is the first medication in this journey. We got our schedule and new transfer date of 12/9. This next month is going to fly by and Im so excited for J and B!

1st visit

Everything went smoothly and we got a lot accomplished. J got to meet my mom and they hung out and talked while I was in and out of different tests. After 8 things of blood I needed food or else I was going to fall over! We had a nice dinner, thanks to J :) Everything is going right on tract just how we wanted it and it feels good. I cant express how much I am grateful for my IPs and how wonderful they are, Im very lucky. They are 2 of the most caring people I have ever met and they are going to be amazing parents.