I havent wrote in a while, was still processing it all and busy moving forward. Transfer is set for Saturday and I couldn't be more excited!!! I'm not so much nervous about the transfer and it taking. I'm confident that that will work, I just am worried about a repeat from last time. I don't know if my IPs can handle that again :(
I've been on Lupron and estrace for a few weeks now and just started all the big meds today. I'm super excited to say that I did my first PIO injection all by myself!!!! Me, the one who passes out getting blood taken, has given myself a 1.5 inch needle! I much rather do the PIO than take the doxycycline aka the devil.
Casidee is excited for the next transfer and she requests 2 girls to be transferred, told her we cant pick! She said that J & B need 2 girls like her and Emilee. She is such a sweet heart and prays for J & B every so often at night before bed.
Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling and my eyes fill up and the tears come out. I dont know why exactly. My heart starts beating and I'm full of tears. I think that the whole process is overwhelming, the medication kicks my butt and the fear of another loss is front and center. I know this is ALL in God's hands and he will do what needs to be done, I have to keep leaning on that to keep me grounded when the fear creeps up.
My best friend Rini will be taking me Saturday and I'm looking forward to spending time with her and having her be a part of something that means so much to me, Brian is going to stay with the girls. Thank God for my mom who was gone with me to the D&E and will be staying with me and the girls saturday since Brian has a big race (so bummed I'm missing it!). Grateful for Casidee's best friends mom, Jill, who has watched the girls so I could drive an hour to Cooper for my appointment. I am so blessed and so lucky to have the support that I have. We have SO many people rooting for us and praying every day that J & B's dreams come true.
I've been watching "The Little People" on TLC (I think) and watching their surrogacy journey. They had an early loss and their last transfer didn't work :( It's very humbling to see the IPs side of the journey; their thoughts, feelings, heartache. I was watching today and had to turn it off because that overwhelming feeling snuck up on me. I will NEVER fully know my IPs feelings but I hope they know how much they mean to me and that I'm their biggest cheerleader in our journey. That when they hurt, I hurt. I have grown to love these 2 people who were once "strangers" to me and I cant imagine not having them in my life. Whatever happens in our journey, I want to look back and know that this is exactly what I was meant to do and that J & B were meant to be a part of my life forever.
Wish us luck and prayers please!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
And it still stinks :( Physically I feel great, no cramping or bleeding which was surprising from what I've read to prepare. Im extremely eager to get started again and would love for a March transfer but my IPs need time which is very important for their healing. They are also awaiting the genetic testing results from the angel baby. Please keep the prayers for my IPs healing and for a future transfer.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Our appt yesterday showed baby stopped growing and didnt have a heart beat. Im going in for a D & E this afternoon and am a bit nervous. My heart hurts so badly for my IPs :( I dont know how I feel really, ofcourse im upset, devastated and mad that this happened but i dont think im able to process it all yet. Please keep my IPs in your thoughts and prayers for their healing and heartache.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
7 weeks already! I feel great beside the all day sickness but in a way I appreciate the constant reminder that the little bean in there is doing good :)
Here's a picture from our scan at 6 weeks 6 days.
And a belly shot just because I liked having progression pictures of my pregnancies. It's mostly bloat since baby is just the size of a blueberry and I however am bigger than that!
We have an appt this monday for another ultrasound and blood work.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
First BETA was drawn at 12dp3dt and was 83, today at 14dp3dt its 175! J & B are going to be parents, finally!!!! We're having dinner together tomorrow night and I cant wait to give them a big hug. Thanks everyone for your continued prayers and support, you may never know how much it means to us all.